During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
