i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize