so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
