why do cheetos always look like penises
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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