i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
