Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
