you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
