possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
