I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
