remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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