u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
