I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
