Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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