I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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