I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize