I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
