This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
