just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
