Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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