dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
