After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
