Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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