I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
where does the pee come out of this thing
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
