Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
