I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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