[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
