I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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