my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
