his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
