I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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