I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize