Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
