I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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