I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
