I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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