her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
