conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
