At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize