So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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