1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
