If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
