We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
