consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
