I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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