I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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