i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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