Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
