Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize