I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
