It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
