I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
