it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
