she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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