You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
