So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
