The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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