and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
