If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
