I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
