her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
