im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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