I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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