Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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