Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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