Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
