I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
