The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The air taste purple.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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